Girls getting into porn? Isn’t that something only teenage boys do?
As a Christian parent, you shudder to think of your daughter having anything to do with pornography or sexual activity of any kind for that matter. But it is often this wishful thinking that prevents parents from having honest conversations with their daughters about porn, sex, and what purity looks like.
Porn use and addiction are on the rise among women in general–yes, even Christian women–and that includes Christian girls. This tends to be initially surprising because women are often expected to be less interested in or curious about sex in general, much less porn or masturbation. When we think of online pornography and the people who view it, we tend to think of boys and men. For this reason, the problem is often overlooked in girls and thus not addressed.
Reasons girls get addicted to porn
Here are six reasons girls are getting into porn:
1. Curiosity about sex
Sex is the forbidden fruit and girls are naturally curious about it, no matter how young, sweet or innocent they may be. And there is nothing wrong with this curiosity. However, if it is not satisfied, they may go looking for answers on their own. In today’s era, that means the Internet. It can begin innocently enough with Internet searches on topics related to sex, but a Google search may turn up more than information. She may also get pages of pornographic content that are too tempting not to click. Other young women will look specifically to pornography to satisfy their desire to know what sex is really all about. Sadly pornography, an artificial fantasy construction, has little to do with what sex is actually about. Nonetheless, it promises to satisfy curiosity.
2. How-to guide
For girls who are sexually active or want to be, pornography can be alluring as an instruction manual. They may also face pressure from a boyfriend who has been conditioned by porn to act out pornographic scenarios. Thus they look to porn as a guide to the kind of sexual behavior that pleases males. Others will take cues from porn for sexting and other sexually suggestive acts.
3. Wanting acceptance
Girls get into sexting, for example, because it often garners a positive response from boys, and many are craving this feeling of acceptance and being desired. A girl who wants to be loved and desired may comply with a boy’s request for nude, suggestive photos or she may send them of her own accord because she believes it will achieve the desired result. This mindset of sex as a means to an end or as a transaction rather than a loving act between two committed people can also motivate interest in the world of pornography.
4. They fall into the trap
No one starts with the intention of becoming an addict. Perhaps it’s curiosity that prompts a girl to visit a site, then intrigue, and maybe even a rewarding sense of thrill. If masturbation is involved, the activity triggers powerful chemical rewards in the brain, making it increasingly alluring. The urge to repeat the behavior becomes irresistible.
5. Peer pressure
Girls face pressure to be sexual at a young age. Perhaps she has friends who have been exposed and who are now exposing her. The pressure to look at porn or engage in suggestive or explicitly sexual acts can open the door to an interest in or porn addiction. Don’t be deceived–it isn’t only contact with the “outside world” that can corrupt your daughter. The pressure may very well come from other Christian kids.
6. They don’t understand purity or God’s ideal for sex
When sex remains taboo, girls may not get the message that sex is actually a good thing and a gift from God. They may understand it as something they’re not supposed to do, or something that needs to be hidden, but they aren’t taught what sexual purity means or why it is so important to God. This leads to a great deal of confusion. They adopt the culture’s view of sex and fail to understand its power, beauty, and holiness. Sex as a means to feel good or gain acceptance becomes normative.
Parents need to understand that porn addiction can happen to any child–even theirs
One of the major mistakes parents make is to assume there could never be a problem and that porn addiction among their daughters is simply impossible. Children of all ages and in the finest of homes will still face temptation and can still be led into sin. Understanding this can help parents address porn use before it starts or deal with a problem before it gets out of control. Read on to find out what parents can do about porn use in girls.
Parents don’t want to even imagine their young daughters thinking about porn, let alone struggling with a porn addiction. But today’s trends show that porn viewing among young women (yes, that includes young Christian women) is on the rise. It isn’t enough to be a good, church-going family. And while it is never an easy issue to address, parents can make a difference in their daughters’ lives around the issue of porn use.
Tips for what parents can do to help their daughter when it comes to porn
Have the conversation
Whether the topic is drugs, sex, or alcohol, many parents are reluctant to start the conversation for fear of putting ideas into their kids’ heads. If the kids seem happy and content playing Barbie’s or video games, do I really need to bring up a conversation about Internet porn and the acceptable use of technology? Is this really necessary or helpful? This is an understandable concern, coupled with the fact that the conversation is more than just a little uncomfortable. But in many cases, young women are more familiar with porn and other explicit sexual content than you may think. Having an honest discussion is not going to turn them toward something they weren’t already interested in and can be especially important if they’ve already been engaging in it.
Face reality
The other assumption is that the kids are good, so obviously they would never have a problem with this kind of behavior. Your kids might be angels, but they do interact with the rest of the world and can easily encounter porn where you may least expect it, such as on a friend’s cell phone. Rather than pretending the problem could never exist, acknowledge that it is a potential threat and take precautions. This begins with a conversation around house rules and expectations and may include installing Internet filters on home computers and personal devices. This won’t eliminate the threat, but it will show your kids that you are aware and concerned about their online safety. Be Real, Be Honest Some parents fear discussing sex or porn because of the mistakes they’ve made in their sexual past. They fear having to answer questions or that their kids will see their actions as a license to do the same.
Simply be honest with your kids
our own mistakes don’t need to inform their actions. There’s no need to be excessively graphic, but you can talk about how you might have done things differently or highlight some of the pain that came from the bad decisions you made. This helps lay a foundation of trust and open conversation.
Look to God’s Word
Ultimately parents want their kids to understand that we don’t abstain from porn or sex just to be prudes or to take the fun out of life, but because God’s Word calls us to a higher level of purity. This keeps sex sacred and saves us for something much better than online pornography could ever provide. Help your kids understand that sex and sexuality are good gifts that God has given and that they should be preserved and cared for. Remind them that sex is not something to be ashamed of and that it’s OK to have questions and to ask them freely. Talk with your kids about what the Bible says about sex and help them to find the answers they seek.
Relax, empathize
If you waited too long to have the talk and suspect or know that your daughter is already viewing porn, it’s more important than ever to withhold judgment, anger, and accusation. Acknowledge the sexual pressure your daughter faces and try not to have a double standard for boys and girls. This can even be an opportunity to talk about how porn, though it imitates sex, is not a representation of sex as God intended it. In reality, it bears little resemblance to a loving, fulfilling sexual relationship and shouldn’t be viewed as a how-to guide or a prep course. Help girls to respect themselves enough to reject pornographic conceptions of women and sex.
Pray
Raising a daughter to be a woman who is pure and who respects herself and her sexuality is not an easy job. Pray for your daughter(s). Talk with other parents and pray with them. Continue to seek God’s will for parenting your daughters to be pure women. If a problem is already underway, pray that God would give you guidance and direction in helping your daughter to be free of the bondage. Help her to get the help she needs.
Things to remember when it comes to porn addiction and teen girls
Remember that just like drug use, porn use can happen to anybody–even your daughter. If the problem has already begun and is causing other risky behaviors, after trying the above tips, don’t be ashamed to seek professional help. You will be glad that you did.